![]() We’re not actually going to do anything – of course. They can let us down like few others can, they know our weakest spots, they enchant but also exhaust us. There will be tenderness and rage attachment and revulsion. When people play an outsize role in our lives, when they have an enormous emotional power over us, when our debt to them is immense, we will both adore and at points resent them hugely. Counsellors and therapists – who get to hear more of the hidden workings of other people’s minds than anyone else – are never surprised when a nice, sensible, interesting client tentatively reveals an occasional wish that a loved one would be vapourized.īeing close to someone necessarily involves a high degree of what therapists call ‘ambivalence,’ a blending of deeply negative and positive thoughts. It turns out that grim imaginings are very common. ![]() It’s often the case, therefore, that things will feel much rarer to us than they are in reality. We’re aware of our own darkest thoughts but rarely get to hear those of others. However, to put our macabre imaginings into perspective, the first thing to remember is how little we know of what secretly goes through the minds of other people. No sooner has this thought crossed our minds, we’re likely to chase it out in horror – and feel deeply guilty about our depravity. ![]() It would be hugely sad of course, but also in certain ways an immense liberation and relief. They might be run over at a crossing their plane might go down they could contract a rare and quickly fatal illness (it wouldn’t hurt at all). Deep in the privacy of our minds, we may feel it would be a huge relief if a partner or family member could just vanish from the face of the earth. It feels very shameful – horrifying – to admit but there are times when we may find ourselves daydreaming about a terrible thing happening to someone close to us.
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